Here's what I have learned. I squelch people's dreams, well wait, I used too! Some are of you are thinking, no you don't, but it is true. It's never my intention but somewhere in this emotionally crazy mind, I have a rational side that doesn't allow me to make dreams.
Biggest dream as a little girl- to be a singer. Biggest dream now? To be a singer. I used to laugh at the thought that I was ever a "good" singer. I mean, I'm not bad, but I'm also not great. Maybe this is where my dream squelching days began?
My most recent discovery? I don't make dreams because I don't want to fail. I started back at school and it has not been easy. I don't like the idea of me failing any classes.
Plus, I have realized that I can rationalize something until the cows come home. You know who suffers from this the most? My husband. He is constantly talking about something he wants to do or what we will have someday and I'm sure I say to his face, "Yeah, that's great Babe." But, in my mind I am thinking...and how do you think that is going to happen, where will we get the money, we have two kids and no time, etc. This is a terrible way to think. Who says he or WE can't have dreams we may never get?
What I treasure about my husband is that he is ALWAYS trying to stay positive and make himself a better person so, if that means he has big dreams then I don't wanna taint who he is.
My best friend, Shannon, is a dreamer. She terrifies me with the things she has planned. Mainly, because she has a different way of thinking about things than I do. But, it is what I most appreciate about her. And this is why she is my best friend because she makes me want to be better and challenge myself.
It's fun to have dreams...I guess I just never wanted to get my hopes up or if I am rational enough about something I might want and don't get? I will be less hurt or bummed.
I spend my days thinking about how I can make the most of what I have so, I never take it for granted. Yes, this is a good thing. But, on the other hand, I spend no time thinking about something amazing that could be which I think affects my day to day living.
When an opportunity comes about, the first place my mind goes is...well this can't be real so, this way I'm not disappointed. However, why do I have to be so concerned and just live in what is!
I'm trying to dream bigger because I want my girls to have dreams whether they get them or not. Everything I do in my life, directly affects them. This is the greatest blessing and hardest task I have ever been given but what I realize is...I haven't failed. I already got my biggest dreams. JJ, Lily, and Lucy. So why not make some more?
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