Weather makes it better

The weather has been unseasonably amazing for January actually back in December too!
This weather means more opportunity to get a run in. I was able to run 2 miles yesterday and then 2 miles today. My 500 mile goal is now at 487.5 miles left. I am a little down on my average because fitting in a workout has been rather hard lately. No excuses though...I realize that my averages will up when I am able to get up and do a morning run or an evening run when the days get longer.

My diet has been better than before but not great. I still like my cheat meals. Especially when I'm hormonal...yes, I said it. Hormonal. This drives me want to eat everything in sight and no energy to do anything. Ugh...

Overall, I haven't lost any weight but I also haven't gained any.
What I can see most change in about myself are my strength and abilities. I am an easily defeated person, but I also have learned this is a mind issue. My mind is my biggest alley and my greatest enemy. If I feed my mind with negative music, words, thoughts, food then that is exactly the outcome I will have. If I feed my mind with positive messages, music, words, food, and exercise...then outcome is success. My small goals turn into big ones and my big goals turn into monumental things I thought I would NEVER do. Quite honestly, I love to make goals now, they don't scare me nor do the intimidate me.

Here's my next small goals:

• No pop for the ENTIRE WEEK which is easy except that was my "cheat" treat so, no pop even as a treat
• MORE WATER...I am the worst about drinking water. But, I love lemon water. So, I bought some lemons and this is my motivation to drink more

There are things in this world worth living for...food, pop, and sweets are not.

Baby I'm a dreamer

Dreams? Everyone has them right...? Some people make dreams simply because they know they are unattainable, but some makes dreams because they know that they are.

Here's what I have learned. I squelch people's dreams, well wait, I used too! Some are of you are thinking, no you don't, but it is true. It's never my intention but somewhere in this emotionally crazy mind, I have a rational side that doesn't allow me to make dreams. 

Biggest dream as a little girl- to be a singer. Biggest dream now? To be a singer.  I used to laugh at the thought that I was ever a "good" singer. I mean, I'm not bad, but I'm also not great. Maybe this is where my dream squelching days began? 

My most recent discovery? I don't make dreams because I don't want to fail. I started back at school and it has not been easy. I don't like the idea of me failing any classes. 

Plus, I have realized that I can rationalize something until the cows come home. You know who suffers from this the most? My husband. He is constantly talking about something he wants to do or what we will have someday and I'm sure I say to his face, "Yeah, that's great Babe." But, in my mind I am thinking...and how do you think that is going to happen, where will we get the money, we have two kids and no time, etc. This is a terrible way to think. Who says he or WE can't have dreams we may never get? 

What I treasure about my husband is that he is ALWAYS trying to stay positive and make himself a better person so, if that means he has big dreams then I don't wanna taint who he is. 

My best friend, Shannon, is a dreamer. She terrifies me with the things she has planned. Mainly, because she has a different way of thinking about things than I do. But, it is what I most appreciate about her. And this is why she is my best friend because she makes me want to be better and challenge myself. 

It's fun to have dreams...I guess I just never wanted to get my hopes up or if I am rational enough about something I might want and don't get? I will be less hurt or bummed.

I spend my days thinking about how I can make the most of what I have so, I never take it for granted. Yes, this is a good thing. But, on the other hand, I spend no time thinking about something amazing that could be which I think affects my day to day living. 

When an opportunity comes about, the first place my mind goes is...well this can't be real so, this way I'm not disappointed. However, why do I have to be so concerned and just live in what is! 

I'm trying to dream bigger because I want my girls to have dreams whether they get them or not.  Everything I do in my life, directly affects them. This is the greatest blessing and hardest task I have ever been given but what I realize is...I haven't failed. I already got my biggest dreams. JJ, Lily, and Lucy. So why not make some more?

Cheat or not to cheat?

I think every person needs a cheat day. However, my new cheat days are not what I used to consider cheat days. Now, my cheat day is one scoop of ice cream and half of a cupcake. Although they were good, I realized after that I didn't even really want it. Truly and honestly, it is a mind game. I can live without it. But, sometimes my mind likes to tell me I can't. 

I've really been slacking on the workouts. But, been doing fairly well on food. This last week I started school up again and I'm trying to find the balance of wife, mom, student, and me. It's not easy. Actually, it's not easy at all. 

I think I needed a week to just figure out everything and I am about to head outside on this gorgeous day to go for a 2.5 mile run. My heart is still into my goals, but my head is making too many lists of "to-dos" that are hindering my ultimate goals. 

This new life requires JJ and me to be a little less comfortable which isn't always easy. We enjoy our lazy Sundays and in bed by 9 on weeknights. Most days we are exhausted by 7 and ready to just call it a night. I want to change, I have the will to change, and I'm not giving up. Just realizing how much work it requires not only from me, but from JJ too. 

Back to the cheat days, at this point...they aren't worth it. 

Where there is a will there IS a way

I'm down 4 pounds.
I'm behind on my running log : /
I had my first real bump in the road on Tuesday. The bump? My two year old who doesn't care that I NEED to workout. I only got in 1 mile and did it in 13 mins. Which is about a minute longer from my previous mile. But-- at least I did 30 mins of SOME exercise, old me...did none. I was frustrated because Lily was just very clingy and not allowing me to workout.

My sister came up with a solution. She will watch my girls for an hour while I work out then I will watch Delaney while she works out! I'm extremely thankful for her willing to help. When I go to my parents, they do the best they can trying to keep Lily upstairs but she just wants to be part of the action!

I'm doing the best I can and happy with my progress! I've started school and Trying to find a balance for everything. But...where there's a will there's a way

The scale can not measure all the success

I'm down .8 more.
I have never been obsessive about what it says on the scale and I don't think I ever will be. I know that the scale can't measure the success of not giving in and drinking that pop. Or it doesn't know that I have been drinking only one cup of coffee with less cream and sugar then only having water for the remainder of the day. But, for me it has been exciting to see how my small goals have been helping.
Here's what I also know. I could be 120 pounds and look flabby or I can be 125-130 and be toned.
I honestly don't care what the scale says if my body looks toned and healthy.
I lost a lot of muscle from both pregnancies. No, this isn't an excuse because I'm young and I can bounce back! But, physically, my pregnancy were extremely hard on me. The strength I used to have is gone and so is my bubble butt : ) hahahaha
I did luck out and I know this. I weighed less than what I started out at after both babies. With Lily, I just kept eating like I was nursing and gained more weight than I should have after she was born. With Lucy, I was more aware of what was going to happen, so that's where I'm at now. Lucy is 6 months and I'm pleased to say I'm not as bad off as I was with Lily at this point.
I did learn from it and I'm taking the steps to tone up! Also, I realize my body will never look like it did before two children. It just won't. So to say I want to look like I did 5 years ago is an unrealistic goal for me. Doesn't mean I can't look good though.
The scale can say what it wants. I still hope to lose about 5 to 7 more pounds but mostly I want a toned tummy, legs, and arms.

A little upkeep and research

Guess what?
I'm down another pound!

My biggest challenge...pop. I love it...I love Coke from a can and I truly crave Mountain Dew in a can, from the fountain...actually..from the bottle too. Ugh. It gets me every time.  I'll be honest. When I go out to the grocery store or Target, I reward myself with either a pop or sometimes a candy bar. My reasoning you ask? Getting two children out in the cold to go shopping for two dumb things we have to have. But, yesterday, I talked myself out of it. My logic? Leah...you have to run 30 minutes on the treadmill to burn off just this 20 oz of pop. Also, why in the hell do I need a reward? Ha! Honest answer: SOMETIMES I NEED IT!!
I've just decided to look at it from another angle. I'm rewarded by being able to go to the store, buy the things I need and WANT, and I'm burning calories toting those two little munchkins around.

Today, I'm in my knee brace. My knee is killing me. This is not what I envisioned on just the fourth day of my new plan, but I could sit here and pity myself. OR! I can look at it like this...I am probably 7-10 pounds over what the ideal is for my height. Imagine if I was 15 to 20 over what I am and how much greater that would harm my knees. So, I am gonna pop some Advil (which I would rather fight through the pain than take a pill) Actually, I kinda have this irrational fear of pills. I hardly ever take them. If it recommends I take two for pain, I only take one. Why? Because, I just imagine them floating around in my stomach never leaving. It's weird, I know. I just don't like to take pills. But, I want to exercise and I know one Advil will help.

Also, one of my goals was to do a little better job on upkeep of my appearance. I'm not the girl who never goes out in public without makeup on. (Nothing against those girls either) But, because I just know if I get ready for the day I will feel a little bit better about myself. So, my wonderful hubby got me professional teeth whitening for Christmas. Today, I am getting the impressions for the trays. I'm stoked! This isn't something I would have ever bought myself but JJ knew I really wanted it done. Honestly, I truly think I deserve it. Pregnancy did a number on my teeth. I have thrown up 18 months out of the last 36 months. So...I'm doing this for me!

Small goal=big goal. I am researching on how to grow a garden. I'm excited about this. VERY. I want to be able to walk into my backyard, get the spices/veggies I need for my dish and enjoy a healthy meal with my family. My brother said this the other day and it just adds more onto why I want to the power to have food in my backyard:


"It's crazy that all we needed for nutrition was given freely by God to the world He created, 
yet now you have to pay an arm and a leg just to get something that isn't pumped full of 
stuff your body should never have to process."

495

I'm down 1 pound.
Small goals do pay off!
Plus, I'm feeling great and overall pleased with myself. Yesterday, I decided I was going go run for 30 mins. Sunday, I also ran for 30 minutes and clocked in 2 miles.
But, yesterday...I ran for 30 minutes and added on a fourth of a mile!!! Yeah baby. And because I'm a little obsessive with numbers...I had to make it a full 3 miles.
So, I ran 3 miles in 41 minutes.
Which means I ran my 3 miles faster than when I ran for an hour two weeks ago and clocked 3.83 miles.
I also cranked out push ups, burpees, triceps dips, jumps, and arm rows! I'm soooorrrrreeeeee! But it feels great.

500-5= 495 miles left
Today is a rest a day, my knee is giving me some grief but I'm not focusing on it. I will still keep going.

Running in the New Year

Like I have said before I need small goals to have success in life. Big goals scare me and overwhelm me to the point that I forget the main purpose of the goal. My newest goal, that goes along with my 25th year, is to run 500 miles in 2012. Some of you may be going...that's a big goal!! But actually, it looks less scary when broken down on paper or actually when neatly typed on my wonderful excel spreadsheet my hubby made for me. He's great isn't he!

Yesterday, I ran 2 miles so that leaves 498 miles to run until December 31, 2012.

I like this goal. This goal gets me excited and motivated. You know what else? Once I took the terrible stigma I had of running like a freaking machine vs running for endurance and strength...uh, running isn't that bad. Actually, I kinda like it. I like that I can run and not feel like an idiot which I used to because I was in constant comparison with others and that automatically made me feel incomplete making it unable for me to better myself.
But guess what? I'm 24. I'm not racing. I'm not winning a medal. I'm not getting a Varsity letter. I'm not trying to impress anyone.
I'm getting healthy. I'm showing my daughters good habits. I'm gaining self confidence. I'm impressing myself.

Although, I still have the same goals I did in my previous posts on my other blog. I have new, specific goals that fit into the broader goals made before.
Once I get them fully decided I will be making my list on here. I'm looking at my accountability to life in a whole new way. I'm walking away from my poor habits, unhealthy choices, and lack of confidence. Now, I'm running in to the new year. Ready for 25.